Is Alzheimer's Fear Running in the Back of Your Mind? You're Not Alone - Here's What We're Actually Doing About It
- 5 days ago
- 5 min read
By Barbara Stratte | Middle Age Management Podcast
Let me just say it out loud, because I think a lot of us are thinking it but nobody wants to say it first.
When you're watching your parent disappear a little more every day, repeating the same questions, asking to go home when they're already home, looking at you with eyes that used to know you, the fear creeps in. Is this going to be me?
If that thought has ever crossed your mind, hi friend. I see you. I am you.
My mom has Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed a little over three years ago, and she lives with Bryan and me. So on a daily basis, I am looking at what could possibly be my future, and I'm not going to lie, sometimes it takes my breath away.
And Bryan? His dad has it too. So when we sat down to talk about this on the podcast, it wasn't research. It was real life. Two people who love each other, both in the thick of it, having the honest conversation you might be having in your own head at 2am.
The Fear Is Real, Let's Not Pretend It Isn't
Here's what happened when my mom was first diagnosed. I took her in, I sat beside her while the doctor ran the tests and did the CT scan, and then he said the words. Yes, she has Alzheimer's.
And my mom? She wasn't really reacting. Because she wasn't fully getting it. So I sat there holding the weight for both of us, and all I could think was, now what?
The doctor's answer was basically: here's a medication that might slow things down. Good luck.
I left that appointment feeling completely alone with it.
And then almost immediately, the next question hit me: Is this hereditary? Is this going to happen to me?
Bryan has been living a version of this with his dad too. His dad progressed fast, faster than anyone expected and went mostly non-verbal within a year of when things really started showing. Which is the terrifying thing about this disease. You just don't know how it's going to move.
The Stats Are a Lot - But So Is the Conversation We Need to Have
Alzheimer's and dementia are becoming so common that Bryan and I looked at each other one day and went, what are the actual odds that we both have a parent in this right now? And yet here we are.
Having a parent with Alzheimer's does increase your risk. I tested and found out I carry the gene. That's a heavy thing to sit with.
But, and this is the part that matters, having the gene doesn't mean it's a guarantee.
And sitting in the fear 24/7? That's not going to help us. In fact, chronic stress is one of the things that contributes to cognitive decline. So the work isn't in the worrying. The work is in the doing.
What We're Actually Doing (And What You Can Do Too)
I want to give you a real, practical list, not scary statistics, but actual things that are helping me feel like I have some control back. Because you can only control what you can control, and that is powerful.
Move your body - especially in ways that challenge your brain at the same time. Bryan and I both talk about pickleball constantly, and there's actually research behind why racket sports and dancing are so effective. Quick movements, coordination, reacting in the moment, that's your brain firing in a really good way. If I ever slow down on the pickleball court, I'm going to take notice.
Protect your hearing. This one doesn't get talked about enough and it should. When your parent stops hearing well and doesn't have properly fitted hearing aids, they start to disengage from everything around them. Isolation accelerates cognitive decline. My mom had hearing aids but they needed servicing, and once we fixed that, it made a real difference. Check your parents' hearing aids regularly. They will not tell you they need to.
Stay social. COVID was brutal for a lot of aging parents because their world shrank overnight. Social connection is not optional for a healthy brain, it's essential. If your parent is isolating, that matters.
Sleep, eat well, watch your blood pressure and blood sugar. The correlation between diabetes and cognitive decline is real and strong. These aren't just "healthy aging" suggestions, they're brain protection.
Gut health is your second brain. I know it sounds a little out there, but the research connecting gut health to brain health is solid. I started eating sauerkraut every morning as a natural probiotic, watching my sugar intake, and supporting my gut because when I got my genomic testing done, that was one of my two biggest red flags. Find what works for you, it doesn't have to be sauerkraut, but pay attention to this one.
Get a check-in person. This was something Bryan brought up that I thought was so smart. Find someone, your spouse, a best friend, a sibling, and say: if you ever start to see signs, tell me. I want to know. You can't fully monitor yourself. Having someone you trust who will be honest with you gives you an early warning system and, honestly, it gives you peace of mind.
Do hard things. Pick up hobbies. One of the things Bryan and I have noticed about both of our parents is that neither of them really had hobbies. The research is clear, doing things that challenge you mentally, learning new skills, staying curious, these are deposits in your aging-well bank account.
The Gift Nobody Talks About
Watching a parent go through this changes you. It really does.
There are hard days, the grief of losing someone who is still here is unlike anything else (we have a whole episode on that), and it is heavy, but there is also this unexpected gift of presence. Of gratitude. Of living more intentionally because you have a front-row seat to how precious it all is.
I think about my future self a lot. I picture her strong, mobile, still sharp, still laughing and every walk I take, every weight session, every bowl of sauerkraut, I think: good job, Barb. That's a deposit. And that reframe has helped me more than I can tell you.
We're also talking to our kids about this. Normalizing the conversation about power of attorney, about getting legal things in order while you still can. Not from a place of fear, from a place of love and preparation, so they don't have to figure it out in a crisis the way so many of us did.
You Are Not Alone In This
If you're in the sandwich generation, raising your kids while caring for aging parents and Alzheimer's or dementia is part of your story, I want you to know: this is one of the hardest things a person can do, and you are doing it.
The fear is real. The grief is real. And so is the hope.
We cannot control everything. But we can control how we show up today. We can make deposits in our aging bank. We can have the conversations. We can laugh when we need to laugh and cry when we need to cry and then get back up and keep going.
That's what we do.
Want to hear Bryan and me have this full, unfiltered conversation, including the moment I tested positive for the gene, what happened at the Alzheimer's research dinner that changed my perspective, and why we believe this is a "choose your own adventure" situation?
Listen to the full episode right here: Middle Age Manaement Podcast
And if this resonated with you, if you saw yourself in any of this, come find our community. Follow @TheSandwichedGen_ on Instagram. There are so many of us in it together, and that matters more than you know.
Sending you a big hug and a high five. You've got this, and I've got you. 💙