The 51% Rule: Why You Don't Need to Be Perfect to Be Enough

Permission to stop drowning in the name of doing it all

I remember the exact moment my life changed.

Not in some big, dramatic way - but in the quiet, life-saving kind of way that makes you realize you've been holding your breath for years.

I was drowning. Three kids under seven. A traveling husband. And me, white-knuckling my way through every single day trying to be the "amazing mom" I thought I was supposed to be.

That's when Nanette -an angel-on-earth kind of human who led our parent education group and she said something that made 500 pounds lift off my chest:

"You only have to do your best 51% of the time."

I'm sorry, what?

"51%. You're not aiming for 100. That's impossible. 51% of the time — because that's the majority."

And just like that, everything shifted.

Why 51% Is Actually Genius (Even If It Sounds Too Simple)

I know what you're thinking. 51%? That's an F in school. That's barely passing. That's... settling.

But here's the thing: We're not in school anymore.

We're in midlife. We're in the Sandwich Generation. We're caring for aging parents while raising kids, managing careers, trying to show up for friends, and somewhere in the suffocating middle of it all — trying not to completely lose ourselves.

And perfection? Perfection isn't available to us in midlife.

You can't give 100% to everyone and everything. The math literally doesn't work. You only have one pie — and if you're slicing it into a million pieces, everyone (including you) gets crumbs.

But 51%? That's doable. That's sustainable. That's the difference between drowning and treading water with your head above the surface.

What 51% Really Means

It's not about lowering your standards or giving up. It's about giving yourself permission to be human.

51% means:

• More good than bad

• More showing up than checking out

• More presence than perfection

• More consistency than burnout

It means that on a "double Monday" (you know, when a holiday throws off your week and Tuesday hits twice as hard), you're allowed to just survive and that's still winning.

It means that if you make a list of 10 things and only get 6 done, you're killing it.

It means your 70% is someone else's 110% and that's okay.

Why This Matters Right Now

We live in hustle culture. We're drowning in Instagram-perfect homes, Instagram-perfect parents, Instagram-perfect everything. And it's exhausting.

I've had too many heartbreaking conversations with friends who say, "I'm not killing it anywhere. I feel like I'm just surviving."

And I get it. When my 90-year-old mom moved in with us, I tried to do it all. Be the perfect daughter. The perfect mom to my kids. The perfect partner. The perfect everything.

But you know what happened? My kids started resenting my mom because I was always responding to her first (she was the neediest kid). I was burnt out. Overwhelmed. Resentful.

No one wins an award for drowning.

So I got help. I gave myself permission to do less so I could be more present. And that changed everything.

How to Apply the 51% Rule to Your Life

Here's your permission slip:

1. Stop aiming for 100% every single day.Some days are made for excellence. Most days are made for showing up and doing slightly better than not. And that's beautiful.

2. Give yourself grace on the hard days.Double Mondays. Sick kids. Aging parents having a rough day. Work chaos. These are 51% days — and they're necessary for your sanity.

3. Remember: Consistency beats perfection.Would you rather do 100% for three days and burn out? Or 51% consistently and actually sustain your energy, your joy, and your presence?

4. Redefine "enough."You don't need to prove anything. You don't need to hustle yourself into exhaustion. You are already doing enough. Your 51% is enough.

The Truth About Midlife

We're wiser now. We're older. We're getting comfortable in our own skin. And we're finally asking ourselves: "Why am I killing myself to do all the things?"

The answer? You don't have to.

You're allowed to say no. You're allowed to do less. You're allowed to let the laundry sit in the "to-do stage" on the couch. You're allowed to have three dinner options in the fridge instead of a perfect meal plan.

You're allowed to take the pressure off.

Because here's what I know: If your day is just 1% better than bad every single day you're winning. And over time, that compounds. That gap widens. That consistency creates a life you actually love living.

My Promise to You

If you're in the messy middle holding up two generations, juggling too many plates, and wondering if you're doing any of it right, I see you.

You matter. You're needed. And you're doing way better than you think.

So today, I'm giving you permission: Aim for 51%. Give yourself grace. Allow in more ease. And remember that perfection is off the table, but joy, connection, and calm are still very much available to you.

From my sandwich to yours.

Let's Keep This Conversation Going

If this resonated with you (or if you think we're a bunch of doorknobs figuring it out in real time 😂), I'd love for you to:

🎙️ Listen to the full episode on the Middle Age Management Podcast💛 Follow the show so you never miss an episode⭐ Write a review — it means the world to us and helps other people in the Sandwich Generation find the support they need

Because at the end of the day, we're all just trying to do 1% better than not. And that's more than enough.

With grace, grit, and a huge hug,

Barbara