Recognizing the Signs: When Your Aging Parent Needs More Support

There’s a moment in almost every adult child’s life when they realize that their parent—the one who once took care of everything—might need help themselves. It’s rarely a dramatic event. More often, it’s a series of small, subtle signs that add up until you can no longer ignore them.

For me, it started with little things:

Stacks of unopened mail—bills, letters, and notices that once would have been handled promptly.

Expired food in the fridge—things long past their expiration date, meals left untouched.

A home that didn’t feel as kept up—my mom always kept a clean and tidy home but when I would combover things were left out in piles and wasn’t looking like it always had before. Hobbies forgotten—activities my mom once loved like water aerobics, and reading she no longer seemed to have the energy or interest for.

When you haven’t gone through something like this before you start to ask yourself, is this normal? Should I say anything?

The Subtle (and Not-So-Subtle) Signs to Watch For

If you’re noticing small changes in your parent’s habits, it might be time to take a closer look. Here are some common warning signs that they may need extra support:

1. Changes in Physical Health & Mobility

🔹 Frequent Falls or Unsteady Walking – If your parent is struggling with balance, tripping more often, or hesitant to move around, this could indicate muscle weakness or a deeper health issue.

🔹 Unexplained Weight Loss or Gain – Are they eating regularly? Sudden weight changes could signal depression, memory loss, or trouble with meal preparation.

🔹 Neglected Personal Hygiene – If they’re skipping showers, wearing the same clothes repeatedly, or not grooming as they used to, it might be due to physical limitations or cognitive struggles.

2. Cognitive & Behavioral Changes

🔹 Forgetfulness & Missed Appointments – Occasional forgetfulness is normal, but repeated memory lapses—like forgetting to take medication or missing appointments—could signal early cognitive decline.

🔹 Confusion or Getting Lost – If they suddenly forget familiar routes or struggle to follow conversations, it may be time for an evaluation.

🔹 Mood Swings or Withdrawal – Increased irritability, anxiety, or social isolation can be signs of depression or cognitive impairment.

3. Signs Around the Home

🔹 Unpaid Bills & Financial Confusion – If you see unopened mail piling up or past-due notices, your parent may be struggling with organization or memory issues.

🔹 A Decline in Household Upkeep – Dust, clutter, or neglected repairs may indicate that daily tasks are becoming overwhelming.

🔹 Old or Expired Food in the Fridge – If their fridge looks sparse or filled with expired items, they may not be eating properly or remembering to shop.

4. Social & Emotional Withdrawal

🔹 Avoiding Friends & Social Activities – If they once loved social outings but now make excuses to stay home, it could be a sign of depression, anxiety, or fear of being out in public.

🔹 Lack of Interest in Hobbies – A gradual loss of enthusiasm for favorite pastimes can indicate physical, cognitive, or emotional struggles.

How to Start the Conversation

If you’ve noticed some of these signs, it’s time to start the conversation about their health, safety, and the next steps for support. (If you have’t already check out my Blog about Getting the Conversation Started )

But these conversations can be tough. Here are some tips to approach them with care:

✅ Lead with empathy. Instead of pointing out their struggles, express concern:"Mom, I’ve noticed you haven’t been going to your book club lately. Are you feeling okay?"

✅ Frame it as teamwork. Let them know you’re there to help, not take over:"Dad, I want to make sure you’re comfortable and safe. Let’s figure out how we can make things easier for you."

✅ Start small. They may resist change, so begin with manageable adjustments, like setting up bill reminders or arranging grocery delivery.

You’re Not Alone in This Journey

Realizing that your parent needs help can feel overwhelming, but the sooner you recognize the signs, the more options you have to support them while maintaining their dignity and independence.

If you’re in the thick of this stage, you’re not alone. My book When Roles Reverse: A Road Map For Caring For Aging Parents is packed with practical advice on recognizing the signs, navigating these difficult conversations, and finding the best solutions for your family.

Get your copy here: When Roles Reverse: A Road Map For Caring For Aging Parents

Have you noticed changes in your aging parent? What signs made you realize it was time to step in? Let’s start a conversation in the comments below. ⬇️

When the roles reverse, having a plan makes all the difference.

You are Awesome

You are Appreciated

You are needed

Big hugs,

Barbara