Marriage in the Middle of the Sandwich

Barbara Stratte
Jul 5
3 min read

Marriage in the Middle: Loving Through the Messy Middle

When I talk to people navigating life in the sandwich — raising kids while caring for aging parents — marriage comes up a lot. And honestly, that makes perfect sense.

Marriage in this season isn’t just a relationship. It’s the glue trying to hold together a thousand pieces of a life that feels like it’s constantly shifting. Sometimes it holds. Sometimes it cracks. And sometimes, it stretches in ways you didn’t know it could.

One thing that gets really tender (and complicated) is whose aging parent needs care — and how close (or not) you feel to them.

With your kids, you’re both all in. Equal hearts, equal responsibility. But with parents? It can feel uneven. One partner might be carrying the emotional weight while the other is just trying to keep up.

When someone shares that they’re frustrated with the care their in-laws require, or that it’s getting… tricky, I always ask gently:“What would you hope your partner would do for your own parents?”

Because that question reframes everything.

This chapter of life is so much like parenting. Yes, you’re trying to give your children the tools to thrive. But the real transformation? It’s in you.And just like with kids, stepping into this caretaking role with our elders forces us to grow — often quietly, unexpectedly, and deeply.

Loving well in midlife takes presence, patience, and a commitment that goes far beyond romance.

In my marriage with Bryan — 21 years and counting — I’ve seen our love change, stretch, deepen. I’m constantly reminded of those vows:For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health.

But honestly? I think we should add:“I’ll stand by you when I don’t feel like it. I’ll support you when I don’t want to. I’ll love you even when I don’t like you.”

Because real marriage in the middle isn’t about flowers or fancy date nights. It’s about the quiet moments where you show up tired, frustrated, or stretched thin — and you still choose each other.

Watching Bryan care for our kids and hold space for my 89-year-old mom (who now lives with us) has made me fall in love with him in a whole new way. It’s not flashy. It’s not Instagram-perfect. But it’s real. It’s respect. It’s partnership.

I’m so deeply grateful for him — especially in this sandwich season, where the frustration, the loss, and the loneliness can feel like too much some days.

Marriage in the middle is not easy. But it can be profoundly beautiful.

Because when you weather these storms together, something sacred is built in the quiet:A love that’s been tested. A bond that’s been earned. A home that’s held by two tired but willing hearts.

I hope this helps!

Big Hugs,

Barbara

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

This journey is long, emotional, and often lonely—but it doesn’t have to be.

I’m here to walk it with you. Whether you’re just noticing the signs or knee-deep in decisions, there’s support for everystage.

How I can help you:

Book a 1-on-1 Guidance Session or a Care Chat with me at TheSandwichedGen.com. We’ll talk it through, map out a plan, and lighten the load.

📘 Want a clear step-by-step roadmap?

Get my eBook:When Roles Reverse: A Roadmap for Caring for Aging ParentsIt’s packed with practical tips to help you: