Marriage in the Middle: How to Stay Connected When You're Caring for Everyone But Each Other
- Barbara Stratte
- Jul 5, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Jan 27
Loving your partner through the chaos of the Sandwich Generation
If you're caring for aging parents while raising kids, you know this truth: Your marriage isn't just your relationship anymore. It's the foundation trying to hold up a thousand pieces of a constantly shifting life.
Sometimes it holds strong. Sometimes it cracks under the weight. And sometimes, it stretches in ways you never imagined possible.
And here's what nobody tells you: Marriage in midlife, especially in the Sandwich Generatio, is one of the hardest things you'll ever navigate together.
The Invisible Strain on Midlife Marriage
When you're balancing kids, aging parents, work, household responsibilities, and everything in between, your marriage often becomes the thing that gets whatever's left over.
Which is usually... crumbs.
You're both exhausted. You're both overwhelmed. And you're both silently wondering, "When did we stop being a team and start being two people just trying to survive?"
But here's where it gets really tender (and complicated): Whose aging parent needs care makes a huge difference.
When In-Laws Are Complicated
With your kids, you're both all in. Equal hearts, equal investment, equal responsibility.
But with aging parents? It can feel profoundly uneven.
One partner is carrying the emotional weight, fielding the doctor calls, managing the care plan, navigating the guilt and grief, while the other is trying to be supportive but doesn't quite feel it the same way.
I've heard this frustration from so many people: "It's getting harder to care for my in-laws. I love them, but... it's a lot. And I'm tired."
When someone shares that with me, I always ask gently:
"What would you hope your partner would do for your own parents?"
Because that question reframes everything.
It shifts the conversation from "This is hard and I don't want to do it" to "This is what love looks like when it costs us something."
Marriage in Midlife Is Like Parenting (But Harder)
Just like raising kids, stepping into the role of caring for aging parents forces you to grow and often in ways that feel quiet, unexpected, and deeply uncomfortable.
Yes, you're trying to give your children the tools to thrive. But the real transformation? It's in you.
The same is true in your marriage during this season. You're not just maintaining a relationship. You're being refined by it. Stretched. Tested. And if you're willing to lean in, deepened.
The Vows We Forget We Made
In my marriage with Bryan (21 years and counting), I've watched our love change, stretch, and deepen in ways I never anticipated.
We said those traditional vows:For better or worse. For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health.
But honestly? I think we should add:
"I'll stand by you when I don't feel like it.I'll support you when I don't want to.I'll love you even when I don't like you."
Because real marriage in the middle isn't about flowers, fancy date nights, or romantic getaways (though those are nice).
It's about the quiet moments where you show up tired, frustrated, or stretched thin and you still choose each other.
What Love Looks Like in the Sandwich Generation
Watching Bryan care for our kids while also holding space for my 89-year-old mom (who now lives with us) has made me fall in love with him in a whole new way.
It's not flashy. It's not Instagram-perfect. But it's real.
It's respect. It's partnership. It's grace under pressure.
I'm so deeply grateful for him, especially in this sandwich season where the frustration, the loss, and the loneliness can feel like too much some days.
5 Ways to Protect Your Marriage in the Sandwich Generation
1. Talk about expectations before resentment builds. Don't wait until you're angry. Have honest conversations about roles, boundaries, and what you both need.
2. Remember whose parent it is (and extend grace accordingly)The person whose parent needs care will feel it deeper. The other partner's job? Show up with compassion, even when it's hard.
3. Ask yourself: "What would I want my partner to do for my parents?"This question is a game-changer. It builds empathy and reframes sacrifice as love.
4. Carve out micro-moments of connection. You might not get date nights right now. But you can get 10 minutes on the couch together. A shared cup of coffee. A sports sideline date in the chaos.
5. Give each other permission to be imperfect. You're both doing the best you can with what you have. Grace for your partner means grace for yourself too.
The Sacred Work of Staying Together
Marriage in the middle is not easy.
But it can be profoundly beautiful.
Because when you weather these storms together and when you hold each other through the caregiving, the grief, the exhaustion, and the uncertainty, something sacred is built in the quiet:
A love that's been tested. A bond that's been earned. A home that's held by two tired but willing hearts.
And that? That's worth fighting for.
You're Not Alone in This
If your marriage feels strained right now, you're not failing. You're in one of the hardest seasons of life.
Give yourself grace. Give your partner grace. And remember: You're on the same team, even when it doesn't feel like it.
From my sandwich to yours with a huge hug and high five,
Barbara 💛
💬 What's the hardest part about protecting your marriage in the Sandwich Generation? Drop a comment, I'd love to hear your story.
🎙️ Want more honest talk about midlife, marriage, and caregiving? Listen to the Middle Age Management Podcast. Follow the show and leave a review. It means the world to us and helps other families find the support they need.
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